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  Through My Eyes - Prologue
The darkness pierced my eyes and it took me some time to realize where I was. It seemed that something had awakened me from my repose and my senses gradually searched for anything that might be amiss. I listened intently for a sound, any sound, which might be out of place. There was none! My eyes scanned through the darkness of the night but could not detect any movement. I breathed deeply, a combination of relieved comfort and exasperation over having woken from a deep and peaceful sleep for no apparent reason. I quietly rose from our bed and made my way to Sara’s room where I looked in on our sweet darling daughter. Her tiny body relaxed in the envelope of her sleep and breathing so contentedly. As weary as I was, I had to smile at this small packet of energy that brought me so much joy.
I tiptoed back to our room and carefully climbed into bed beside you. Like our daughter, you curled up in the restfulness of your sleep, gently breathing warmth into the cool night air. I lay there for the longest time gazing upon you.

It seems that it is a male characteristic, formed over millions of years, which my gender is reticent to express emotions. Sure, we get angry far easier than our female counterpart does and we can be raucous and bawdy when we are with our male friends and we tend to be more than aggressively protective of those we love. In the hailstorm of such emotion, one stops to think why men find it so difficult to express love readily in ways that transcend the physical into the arena that is often the private domain of women. We collectively have trouble saying, “I love you!” without cause or reason. We have trouble wrapping the woman we love in our arms and cuddling close without clandestine motives. Yet, on those rare occasions that we do so, there is such a surge of love within us that perhaps our ability to simply accept the action as an expression of love is too much for our minds to comprehend.

I lay beside you silently thinking and reflecting, not on myself but on you, my enchanting Annie. You are the woman who has captivated my heart and my soul and I reach over and touch your fine strands of raven black hair so softly that you would not be aware of the touch had you been awake. It is strange that I can do this when you sleep and yet rarely take the opportunity to do so when you are awake. Such an expression, I know, would make you so happy.

As you sleep so peacefully, let me tell you now how much I love you and how much I adore you. Who would ever have thought that such a beautiful woman would come into my life and decide to share her life with me? There are so many feelings that I have for you. I feel such love for you and such contentment with life and, more than anything, I have such an amazing level of respect for you. I lace my fingers behind my head and I smile in the blackness that is night. It is June 05, 2007 and it is our fifth anniversary. What better time to tell the woman to whom I am so devoted and with whom I am so deeply in love, that I cherish her, so I present to you “Through My Eyes”. It is an opus for you Annie and, it is my expression of love for you. Our journeys have just begun and all that we have shared pale in comparison to that which is yet to be. Through any trials and tribulations that we might face, I look forward to conquering them hand in hand with the woman I love. I look forward to the laughter and happy times. More than anything else, I cannot imagine taking this life journey without being at your side and you at mine.

I invite you now, my darling Annie, to literally curl up with a good book and live “Through My Eyes”.
I love you!
Jeff

Chapter One - The Carefree Bachelor

As the sun broke through my eyes on that warm, sunny June morning in 1993 I had no idea that my life was about to take a path so remarkable that, even as a young man with great dreams, could I have imagined what was about to happen. I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling and thinking. Since most of my life was devoted to parties and hanging out with my friends, I had to smile to myself as I remembered back and wondered why I had wasted so much time but then again, nature does work in mysterious ways. In the deep recesses of my mind, I had recalled going to a party at Gareth Blackstock’s house. I was eighteen I guess, and typically, I knew how to enjoy myself. It was at that party that I met this fifteen year old by the name of Annie. We did not speak much and because she was so young, I probably did not pay that much attention to her other than to think that she was cute and possessed a bewitching smile.

Eight years later and that fifteen-year-old girl blossomed into a remarkable woman and on this night, I am going to be going on a date with her. We really had not lost track of one another and, little did I know, she and her good friend had made it a point of visiting me at Izzy’s where we would chat while I served bar. The first time I saw her as an adult, I thought she was really pretty and the more she came to that downtown Monterey bar, the more I began to enjoy her company. In fact, on those occasions when she did not show up, I think I probably missed her. I had my suspicions that Annie’s friend Ashley was promoting me to her friend and I think I was grateful for that promotion.

Annie stood just above 5-feet in height and cascading curls of black hair perfectly framed her remarkably pretty face. To say that I was attracted to her, even after getting to know her casually would be a terrible understatement.

For some reason, this day was dragging on and I was anxious to go out with Amy and properly get to know her. I do not think that I was thinking that “she was the one” but there was just something about her that aroused every part of me and I felt more deeply attracted to her than to any other woman in the past. What would it be like to spend some one on one time with her? Finally, the time came when I could go pick her up for our date. The night quickly became a hazy memory not so much because I was let down but rather because this articulate and intelligent young woman was such a joy for me to be with. That night I probably talked more intently and with more interest than I had ever talked before. That night I probably listened more intently and with more interest than I had ever listened before. It was particularly warm that night and the air in the bar was hot and thick despite the efforts of the five fans hanging from the ceiling whirring in constant effort to cool the occupants. The heat of the evening did not seem to bother Annie though and, perhaps, it was her jean skirt and light t-shirt that was her secret. I hoped, secretly that it was my engaging conversation and ruggedly handsome good looks that distracted her from the oven in which we shared our first date. Soon, I found that my regular outings with my buddies were now being interrupted by my outings with Annie and soon I found that my entire schedule had to be changed. I would not give up my time with my friends neither would I shortchange myself for my desire to be with this remarkable woman. I was becoming more and more attracted to her. That attraction was more complete than I had ever before experienced. To say that this woman was physically attractive to me certainly was true. However, as I grew to know her better, I was astounded at my need to share things with her as a friend and partner. My mind spun when we were together as we talked of our personal goals and our desires for life in the future.

Surprising me even more than my wish to be with her, was the fact that within only a couple of months I found that all of the attributes of this woman and our relationship had engulfed me with such a strength that I had found myself falling in love with her. I would awake in the morning thinking about her and would fall asleep at night with her still on my mind and the feelings that stirred were so right that I could not dispute the fact that Amy was the woman with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

One evening, when Annie and I were leaving the pub, I expressed those feelings. I was sure that she felt much the same for me but there was always room for doubt. Perhaps I was misreading her signals and although she seemed to have a good time when she was with me, it was possible that I had it wrong. I had already exposed my innermost thoughts and feelings and I could not take them back. It was if an eternity was passing and the normally silent watch on my wrist seemed to bang out every second with the persistence of a jackhammer in my brain. I waited for a response! Then, as if a veil had lifted from Annie’s face, she smiled that sweet smile. She told me that she felt the same way and, in fact, she had been attracted to me from when she first saw my picture in the newspapers years earlier for my achievements in sport but now that she had gotten to know me there was no question in her mind that she loved me. A weight was lifted and although I was certain that the love was reciprocated, it was important at that point in time to have Annie validate it. The soft touch of her hand on mine sent a wave of relief through me that I had not felt before.

We settled into a life of exclusive dating although we consciously made time to spend with our friends. In many respects, having the freedom to party with our circle of friends likely brought us even closer together.

Chapter Two - Meaning Renewed

It never really dawned on me that my life was incomplete but, it was. It was not as though anything was lacking. I was an active teenager with a broad range of interests and loved sports. In particular, baseball and football not only took up a great deal of my time but I excelled at these events. Certainly, I spent a lot of time with my friends and the fact that I partied as hard as I played, always gave me the impression that my life was full. The girls that I had dated were okay but looking back there was not one who really stood out as being a great friend as well as a lover. In fact, when I reflect upon the phrase “soul mate” I can honestly say that I never understood what it meant. That is, until I met Annie.

Some relationships are fast-paced and result in hurried weddings. Other relationships, like ours, seemed almost choreographed to follow a certain path that was prepared long ago by destiny. It was a dance of love that took five years before we married but it was some of the best five years ever to be experienced. It was also not without its challenges. Since you were so important to me, I knew it was almost as important to be accepted into your family and part of our relationship process would be to prove to everyone that I was worthy of sharing your life. To say that Buddy was apprehensive would be less than fair since he initially thought that I was lazy and probably a waste of time. It took him some time to realize that I was not completely useless even though the time that I finally broke through to him almost proved that I might be. It was an extremely hot and humid day and I was visiting you at your mom’s and Buddy’s place. The grass needed cutting and I just offered to cut it for them. So, while everyone was enjoying the cool of the indoors, I went outside and started. The backyard is a good size but it is by no means acres of land but it took me over two hours to cut that lawn. I pushed and pulled that lawnmower and, it seemed, had to convince it to shear every blade of grass on that lawn.

By the time I was finished, I was soaked with sweat partly from the heat of the day but, mostly, from the extremely hard work. I asked Buddy if the lawnmower was always that hard to push. He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face then proceeded to break out into laughter suggesting that it might have been easier for me if I had engaged the “self-propel”. I felt like an idiot! I cut the entire garden that way and believe me it was very much like pushing a truck up a hill with its brakes on. The good part was, however, that it seemed to thaw the chilled relationship I had with Buddy and we had a good laugh. I later found out from Buddy that it was on that day that he knew he was going to like me.

You had often mentioned that your family was exceptionally close and my chance to see that closeness in action came at Christmas 2000. We had been together at that point for five years and our relationship as well as our love had grown strong and stable. I suppose your mother and Buddy had decided it was time to introduce me to the rest of the family and took the opportunity of the annual Christmas Eve gathering to do that. We gathered at your Aunt Mim and Uncle Manny’s home wherein the entire family had gathered. After you had introduced me to Uncle Manny and Aunt Mim, I was then introduced to your other aunts and uncles. There was Bert and Stella as well as Cathy and John. Also packed in the cozy kitchen were Sissy, Kris, Gail and Maria not to mention your mom and Buddy. Rounding out this close family gathering were an assortment of distant cousins, all of whom settled in for a long night of drinking and story telling that was the focus of your family’s Christmas Eve celebration.

To say I was anything less than nervous would not do my anxiety justice. After the introductions were made, I found myself sitting in a corner stroking a cat and listening intently to the wonderful adventures being regaled. Nevertheless, I did not speak. In my better judgment I decided that it would be best to remain silent and listen. I think at the time I knew that this was some kind of hazing ritual and in order for me to be accepted by your family I first had to gain their respect. In order to achieve this respect, I was most aware that I first had to respect them and silence was the first step. As I silently sat there, my only company was the cat that would occasionally grace me with its presence and I welcomed the opportunity to pat it. Although intimidated by this closed group, I would have endured just about anything they would have dealt me. By that time, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that my love for you was the most important thing in my life and I did not want to let you down. If it was not for you and that cat, the night would have seemingly dragged on interminably. I had a need on that evening to be alone with you. Earlier in December, you and I had taken a short trip to Rochester and after a few shops ended up at Seiger’s Jewelers, where I, with the help of my darling girlfriend, bought a diamond ring. As the evening wore on, that little box was beginning to burn a hole in my pocket. Since you had gone with me to purchase the ring, my proposing marriage was not a surprise but that did not mean that the actual proposal should not have been special. So, when we were finally alone, just before midnight, I got down on bended knee, took your hand in mine and asked if you would do me the pleasure of your hand in marriage. It was special and it was private just as we had both wanted and even though I expected you to say yes, my heart stopped until I heard that one word. That night you made me the happiest and proudest man in the world.

This story was written in the first person for the client. This sample has been excerpted and condensed and is a work of 230 pages and Hard Cover Bound.

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